We asked 50 moms from the NorthWest to weigh in on what makes their husband so special...These are their anwsers
1. "I don't have to remind him about birthdays, anniversaries, or our childrens school plays. He just knows."
2. "He let's me have a day for myself."
3. " ...Still love how he balances me out, between my insane bouts of emotions & my sometimes uncontrollable urges to buy everything in Target."
4. "How he will tell everyone how much he loves my cooking- I still burn the grilled cheese."
5. "He gets it done, and gets it done right."
6. "He has come to appreciate and respect the sweatpants, the undone hair & the hairy legs. It's all apart of the 'for better or for worse'."
7. "How he shares the morning responsibilities of getting the kids fed,bathed & dressed and knows sometimes to be a good mother, you have to be a rested mother."
8. "Loads a second load of dishes. He is so helpful!"
9. "Does all the jobs around the house I don't want to do, like clean the poop off the toliet, scooping the food out of the sink that doesn't have a disposal...the list goes on."
10. " He does the things I won't around the house, with a smile even!"
11. "He is willing to embarress himself in public to make our daughter stop bawling".
12. "...knows how to break down a stroller, playpen or highchair in ten seconds flat."
13. " He will unapologetically explain to his buddies he can't go golfing today, he promised his wife he'd watch dirty dancing for the ten millionth time."
14. "How he still holds my hand and calls me dear after fifty plus years of marriage."
15. "...makes me feel like the woman I was before children."
16. " How he cried when our son was born..."
17. " He appreciates my off course sense of style."
18. "How he knows how to bring peace to an esculating situation in the kitchen the moment he walks through the door."
19. "He can build an entire city out of legos. Absolutley amazing!"
20. "He knows what the kids need in their diaper bags."
21. "...has mastered the response "yes dear" and "If you think that's whats best"".
22. "...will run to the store after work anytime I ask without a single complaint."
23. " He knows what kind of days require backrubs and what days are best to leave me alone."
24. "...deals with the poop. Oh, all the wonderous poop that is produced throughout the process of raising children."
25. "How hot he looks in James Bond attire."
26. "When he wears the clothes I buy him, even if they aren't quite his style."
27. " How he is interested in my Projects, ideas, and clubs I'm involved in."
28. " How we both think the best way to celebrate anything is with a six pack & scratch it's!"
29. " I appreciate him for the things I am not & cannot be for our children."
30. "He will take the kids outside in the pouring rain because mom is going to lose it in the kitchen!"
31. " He is still the god-fearing loveable husband I married after three kids & ten years have gone by..."
32. " I appreciate him for loving me. period."
33. "How he ALWAYS puts family first."
34. " How he's the one that cooks, cleans & stays home."
35. " The way he understands that the green food can't be touching the red food on the plate..."
36. " He knows the top ten stores I like to shop, and let's me frequent them often."
37. " He can keep me grounded."
38. " How I don't have to even question weather he will be a good father this fall."
39. " He makes date night a priority."
40. " How he truely respects my parents."
41. " He keeps my embarressing moments to himself, like the time I peed on him!"
42. " ...will make an effort to care about my friends sisters troubles with her boyfriend who..."
43. "Puts up with my health foods & herbal healing ways."
44. "He holds my hair back when I puke in the toliet from this excrutiating morning,afternoon, evening & night time sickness."
45. " ...has adjusted to his corner of the bed (shared between us and two little ones!)."
46. " How he is doing all the things he said he would with our son now that he is old enough."
47. " Late night cheesecake runs. Say no more."
48. " He will back up my dicipline decisions, even when he doesn't completely agree."
49. " I appreciate him for all the things that make him a man."
50. " How he still likes to "get it on"..."
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
"What's on yourbookshelf?"
Mommy picks- Recomending a good book
* P.S. I love you Written by Cecelia Ahern
Everyone I know has raved about the movie made popular last year with leading character played by Hilary Swank. To tell you the truth, I saw it. I thought it sucked. I may have to go into hiding for the next few weeks, but hear me out. This is why - the movie fell short in many ways, compared to the book. This is not unusual with a book-made-movie scenario, but it applies in varying degrees. In this sense, it is extreme. The movie lacked the emotion that leaves me sobbing every time. It lacks that human connection that this author writes so well. Her sense of emotion is developed so well through her character, Holly, that I forget that it is just a book and not my life. Not my reality, though it is the reality for so many. I feel this book would be a comfort for anyone who has experienced a sudden unexpected loss of anyone they love. So movie goers, do yourself a favor. Try the book, and you will see what I mean. So much more to enjoy and discover over and over again.
* Mommy Wars Edited by Leslie Morgan Steiner
A great collection of essays written by women of such great wisdom and honesty about the silent war between stay-at-home moms and working mothers, and the battles we wage against ourselves. Featuring great women minds such as Molly Jong-Fast and Terry Minsky, this collection appeals to me in so many ways. I feel a connection to these women and the stories they tell of the choices they made as women - as mothers - and the outcomes of these decisions. I have enjoyed this book many times over as I have gone through changes in my professional and family life.* The Peril of Magnificent Love Written by Emma Magenta A fun non-serious pick. No logic, very personal, often confusing, and left up for interpretation. It is a perfect coffee table book; My kind of book. Interesting pictures... I say no more. Curious? Give it a go. It will take you all of five minutes.
* The Middle Place Written by Kelly Corrigan
Immediately, I felt at home with this first time inspirational author, as if I have known her for years. An easy read, this memoir about one woman's experience with cancer made me think, made me feel vulnerable, and all the emotions I want to feel with a good book. Many times I laughed and many times I cried. Many things I learned that I did not know about cancer. It made me want to research it = so I did. Only a good book can leave me wanting to know more. I especially love the essay she writes at the end. The Middle Place, my latest read, is quickly becoming a favorite and I highly recommend it.
* The Melancholy Death of Oyster Boy & other stories By Tim Burton
No, seriously. Yeah - no- I mean it! Slightly sadistic, but not toxic to the system. This book in all its short story oddities (well, duh, look who the author is, what do you expect?) has given way to many dinner party conversations and laughs. What can I say - I like it. Meggie likes it. Maybe you will too?
~ Meg Wright-Christ
* P.S. I love you Written by Cecelia Ahern
Everyone I know has raved about the movie made popular last year with leading character played by Hilary Swank. To tell you the truth, I saw it. I thought it sucked. I may have to go into hiding for the next few weeks, but hear me out. This is why - the movie fell short in many ways, compared to the book. This is not unusual with a book-made-movie scenario, but it applies in varying degrees. In this sense, it is extreme. The movie lacked the emotion that leaves me sobbing every time. It lacks that human connection that this author writes so well. Her sense of emotion is developed so well through her character, Holly, that I forget that it is just a book and not my life. Not my reality, though it is the reality for so many. I feel this book would be a comfort for anyone who has experienced a sudden unexpected loss of anyone they love. So movie goers, do yourself a favor. Try the book, and you will see what I mean. So much more to enjoy and discover over and over again.
* Mommy Wars Edited by Leslie Morgan Steiner
A great collection of essays written by women of such great wisdom and honesty about the silent war between stay-at-home moms and working mothers, and the battles we wage against ourselves. Featuring great women minds such as Molly Jong-Fast and Terry Minsky, this collection appeals to me in so many ways. I feel a connection to these women and the stories they tell of the choices they made as women - as mothers - and the outcomes of these decisions. I have enjoyed this book many times over as I have gone through changes in my professional and family life.* The Peril of Magnificent Love Written by Emma Magenta A fun non-serious pick. No logic, very personal, often confusing, and left up for interpretation. It is a perfect coffee table book; My kind of book. Interesting pictures... I say no more. Curious? Give it a go. It will take you all of five minutes.
* The Middle Place Written by Kelly Corrigan
Immediately, I felt at home with this first time inspirational author, as if I have known her for years. An easy read, this memoir about one woman's experience with cancer made me think, made me feel vulnerable, and all the emotions I want to feel with a good book. Many times I laughed and many times I cried. Many things I learned that I did not know about cancer. It made me want to research it = so I did. Only a good book can leave me wanting to know more. I especially love the essay she writes at the end. The Middle Place, my latest read, is quickly becoming a favorite and I highly recommend it.
* The Melancholy Death of Oyster Boy & other stories By Tim Burton
No, seriously. Yeah - no- I mean it! Slightly sadistic, but not toxic to the system. This book in all its short story oddities (well, duh, look who the author is, what do you expect?) has given way to many dinner party conversations and laughs. What can I say - I like it. Meggie likes it. Maybe you will too?
~ Meg Wright-Christ
10 easy steps to detox home
Eco-note: 10 easy steps to detoxing your home
Kids are always bringing weird and strange things in the house and asking "Can we keep it? Please Mooooom?". As much as we all love the creepy crawlies and may even give into the occasional snake or even (shiver) spider, there are some things that are brought into the house that don't have to be accepted: Toxins. Here are 10 easy steps to keep the place you hold your loved ones, a little more lovely (depsite the new house guests!)
1.) Take off your shoes when home.If you have carpet, get a deep cleaning once or twice a year.
2.) Use clothe made of microfiber for dusting and cleaning. This material catches the dust instead of moving it around. Have a specific one for each task- don't mix kitchen with other cleaning rags. Microfiber works for floors, too! So ditch that old dingy mop! We like swiffer products. ( www.swiffer.com)
3.) Go non-toxic by eliminating harsh chemical residues from traditional cleaners. Try easy to make home remedies or Methods Squeaky Green brand. (www.methodhome.com)
4.) Air out bedroom sheets and blankets 15 minutes every morning. Just pull back the bedding and open the windows! This helps keep bacteria from breeding in your bed. Yuck!
5.) Wipe your feet clean every night before bed. This will help keep the dust mites out of your bed. Double yuck!
6.) Avoid pvc shower curtains ( vinyl) that are constantly offgasing unhealthy toxins into your home. Consider other non-toxic choices like linen.
7) Stop buying offgasing pvc toys for your children. Plastic smell = not good :-( There are currently many sustainable quality toys that are affordable popping up everywhere. Maybe even at your favorite local shopping facility. Our favorites include Ikea, ( www.ikea.com) Oompa, (www.oompa.com) and maukilo( www.maukilo.com).
8.) Burn only natural candles such as ones made of soy. New Seasons carries a variety of soy candles in soothing scents & vibrent colors.
9.) Keep toxin eating plants in your home, at least one per room. They can eliminate up to 90% of chemicals in the air. Check with your local nurserys for a list of which plants will be most effective ( not all are pollutant eating).
10.) Change all filters in your home every three months or as reccomended. Air circulators such as fans need attention as well. Dust weekly with microfiber clothes to help keep air allergen free.
For more information on detoxing your home, try this book ( Which is where we got our sources): Squeaky Green By Eric Ryan and Adam Lowry
Kids are always bringing weird and strange things in the house and asking "Can we keep it? Please Mooooom?". As much as we all love the creepy crawlies and may even give into the occasional snake or even (shiver) spider, there are some things that are brought into the house that don't have to be accepted: Toxins. Here are 10 easy steps to keep the place you hold your loved ones, a little more lovely (depsite the new house guests!)
1.) Take off your shoes when home.If you have carpet, get a deep cleaning once or twice a year.
2.) Use clothe made of microfiber for dusting and cleaning. This material catches the dust instead of moving it around. Have a specific one for each task- don't mix kitchen with other cleaning rags. Microfiber works for floors, too! So ditch that old dingy mop! We like swiffer products. ( www.swiffer.com)
3.) Go non-toxic by eliminating harsh chemical residues from traditional cleaners. Try easy to make home remedies or Methods Squeaky Green brand. (www.methodhome.com)
4.) Air out bedroom sheets and blankets 15 minutes every morning. Just pull back the bedding and open the windows! This helps keep bacteria from breeding in your bed. Yuck!
5.) Wipe your feet clean every night before bed. This will help keep the dust mites out of your bed. Double yuck!
6.) Avoid pvc shower curtains ( vinyl) that are constantly offgasing unhealthy toxins into your home. Consider other non-toxic choices like linen.
7) Stop buying offgasing pvc toys for your children. Plastic smell = not good :-( There are currently many sustainable quality toys that are affordable popping up everywhere. Maybe even at your favorite local shopping facility. Our favorites include Ikea, ( www.ikea.com) Oompa, (www.oompa.com) and maukilo( www.maukilo.com).
8.) Burn only natural candles such as ones made of soy. New Seasons carries a variety of soy candles in soothing scents & vibrent colors.
9.) Keep toxin eating plants in your home, at least one per room. They can eliminate up to 90% of chemicals in the air. Check with your local nurserys for a list of which plants will be most effective ( not all are pollutant eating).
10.) Change all filters in your home every three months or as reccomended. Air circulators such as fans need attention as well. Dust weekly with microfiber clothes to help keep air allergen free.
For more information on detoxing your home, try this book ( Which is where we got our sources): Squeaky Green By Eric Ryan and Adam Lowry
June interview with Local Mom
M.O.M. Mother of the Month
We interviewed one mom about her experiences as an Army wife and mother. These were her answers.
~Tell us a bit about yourself:
My name is Jessica, I'm 23. I was born and raised in good old Dallas, OR. I've been happily married for almost 6 years to my husband Brandon, and together we have a little girl named Kendra Lee. I'm very blessed to be a stay at home mom, so I get plenty of time with my terrible princess. My husband and I met when we just juniors in high school, and we've been together ever since. He joined the Army our senior year and has been in for just over 6 years. I'm very proud to be an Army wife and am proud to call my daughter an Army brat. We got married when I was just 17 and he was 18. I had just graduated from high school and he was fresh out of basic training. Our first year of marriage he was sent to Korea, then when he came back we were sent to Ft Hood, Texas. We were there for about a year before being stationed here at Ft Lewis, WA. Since being here we have experienced a lot of amazing, challenging life changes. We found out I was pregnant when I was 20, and had our little girl when I was 21. When she was just a few months old my husband was deployed to Iraq for 10 months. He has been home for about a year and now our daughter is two. Here we are again gearing up for round two. He is deploying again to Iraq in a few months. That's my life so far -- crazy, challenging and ever changing! Even though sometimes it's rough, I feel so fortunate to have an amazing, loving husband and a wonderful, sometimes frustrating, little girl. I get to watch her grow up every day before my eyes.
Jessica's picks for...
Movie night: Lord of the Rings
Healthy portable snacks:
CheeriosChildren's
book: No David
Rainy day activity: coloring with Color Wonder
Date night music: "Good Riddance" by Green Day
~ What's your opinion on children & Barbies:I feel that kids playing with Barbies is perfectly fine. I grew up playing with Barbies and that was my favorite thing to do. I feel that Barbies allow children to use thier imaginations and play with or without friends. I don't think Barbies are setting girls up for body image issues, but I believe other outside influences are, such as magazines that judge celebrity bodies. My daughter already has Barbies that she loves to play with.
_
___________________
More about this M.O.M.
Age: 23
City & state: Ft Lewis, WA
Occupation: Homemaker
Religion: Christian
Hobbies & activities: I'm a volunteer with my husband's company, and I love to scrapbook.
Children's names & ages: Kendra Lee 2 yrs old
What do your children/child enjoy: Going to the park, watching Nick Jr, playing with her friends
Favorite part of the day: When she takes her nap, so that I can take care of the house and have some down time
City or the country: I grew up a small town as a country girl. After being so close to the city I love it, so now I'm more city.
Morning or night: Night
Bright colors or neutral tones: A little of both, depends on what they're on
Family bed or separate rooms: Separate rooms, our daughter won't sleep if she is in the same room with anyone.
Hardest moment in life: During my husband's first deployment to Iraq, our daughter was only 6 months old, and I was alone for a year trying to raise our first child.Future goals both short & long term: Short term is to just try to survive this next deployment. Long term is to move back to Oregon and start a life without the Army.
_________________________
Interview, part 2
~ Tell us about when you found out you were expecting. What were your emotions?
When I found out I was pregnant I was at home with my sister-in-law Shelly. I decided on a whim to take a pregnancy test and it came out positive. Kendra was a complete surprise. I was shocked but I was very happy and excited. I felt that I was ready. I had been married for 2 and a half years and was 20 years old. It felt like the next step.
~ How has being a mother changed you?
Becoming a mom changed me in a lot of ways. I was very immature, not very responsible, and I was pretty selfish. After having a daughter, I became the complete opposite of those things. I put my daughter first regardless of what I wanted and my world revolves around her. And in turn the things about me changed. Becoming a mom automatically makes you take a different approach at life. It's something you can't understand until you're a parent yourself, and it's very hard to explain. Being a mom has made me take on challenges with patience and right and wrong, more than I could have ever imagined. I changed a lot about myself so that I can be a good role model for Kendra. Most of the changes that happened to me were without any effort and were natural changes that I didn't notice, till others pointed them out to me. I like me as a mom more then the crazy immature girl I was before.
~ What does a typical day look like for you?
My days are pretty easy going and simple. I wake up when my husband comes home from PT (morning exercise for the Army) about 8:00 am and get Kendra up. Then we have breakfast and get dressed, those type of morning routines. Kendra will usually watch cartoons for about an hour and we will play together for awhile. My husband will come home for lunch around noon and we will eat together. He leaves at one and Kendra goes to her room for a nap. She will sleep for about an hour or two and that is when I clean up the house. After she wakes up we hang out together, going to the park if the weather allows, or are just inside together. My husband gets off work around five pm and I make dinner. After dinner I'll give her a bath and at 7pm is when she goes to bed. That's my typical day.
~ How do you handle the pressures of day to day life with the absence of your husband when he's in Iraq?
I handle the pressures of life with Brandon gone by prioritizing everything. My daughter comes first and then everything else. I just do my best to suck it up and move forward with life the best I can. I try to remember that he is missing us more than we miss him, 'cause I'm lucky enough to have our daughter with me when all he has is pictures to hold onto. Kendra is a daddy's girl and when he first leaves, she is a wreck! Sometimes it gets so frustrating that I will put her in her room and just walk away to get my thoughts together. As far as bills and things like, that I just do what I need to take care of it. It's hard to explain -- it's like you know what needs to be done and you just do it because there's no other option. I have to say, though, that my best and favorite stress reliever is putting Kendra in daycare and going to get a pedicure. :) ~ How do you guys explain it to your daughter?The first time he left she was too young to comprehend any of it. My biggest worry then was making sure she remembered who he is. So we made her a build-a-bear that he recorded a message on. We called it her "daddy bear" and I played it every night before she went to bed. I constantly was showing pictures of her daddy to her. Luckily she remembered him. He will be going back soon and this time she is two, so I'm not completely sure how we are going to explain it. We can't exactly tell her daddy is going to war, because she can't understand that at all. At her age I'm thankful that she doesn't. For the most part when Brandon is gone for a long period of time we tell her "Daddy is at work." She seems to understand that much. My main goal with this deployment is to tell her all the time that daddy misses her, and wants to be with her, but he has to work. I truly believe that someday she will understand. She will feel the same amount of respect as I do, if not more, for her dad and the sacrifices he's had to make. She may not understand it, but I'll do my absolute best to tell her how much he loves her. It's definitely going to be a challenge, but we will hang in there, and I'm sure that when he gets home they'll have the same bond they have now.
~ Has having a husband who is faced daily with possible danger made you stronger?
I'm not sure stronger is the right word. I know my husband's deployment made me more vocal against people who don't support my husband. Protesting is fine but there are times when people cross the line. An example is a week after my husband left there was a protest outside the Army base. I was leaving to go somewhere and a lady knocked on my window when I was sitting at the stoplight. I rolled it down just a bit to see what she wanted. She proceeded to ask me how it felt to be married to a baby killer. I was completely mortified that someone would think that of my daughter's father and the man I love. But more so that someone would think it's OK to approach me with such animosity for what my husband does. Brandon has had to deal with a lot of stuff from Iraq. I'd rather have him take the life of someone who is trying to keep him from coming back home to our daughter than have him not come home! When he is gone I live in constant fear for him. If I hear anything about someone getting injured, I instantly freak out even if he is nowhere near where my husband is stationed. I won't even watch the news or read the newspaper when he is deployed, because the reality of his situation is too hard to think about. His deployments have definitely made me more independent. Having to rely only on myself to handle everything, raising our daughter, and even the daily things such as having to carry in all groceries by yourself, or changing light bulbs. The little things most wives take for granted are the things that are the hardest to do when he is away. So I'm more independent, more responsible, and more vocal. I don't think I'm any stronger than before the deployments, the strength for most army wives, including me, is a front. We wear a fake smile and pretend that we don't worry, but the truth is that there isn't a minute that passes where we don't say a quiet prayer for our husband's safety.
~ What is it like when your husband is home?
When he is home, it's just like any other family. When he first gets back things are weird, trying to get back into the routine of being a wife again. I go from being alone and handling everything to having the extra support. When he is gone I don't do much wifely stuff such as big dinners and things like that. With just our daughter and me, it feels pointless to do that. It's hard at first to let him help with Kendra 'cause it's all me when he's gone. So at first it's a little bit awkward and weird, but after awhile things go pretty smoothly and we are back to normal life. Our old routine fits more comfortably and we are back to where we were before he left.
~ What is the biggest misconception you think people have about families in the military?
There are two that come to mind. One misconception is about how the wives behave when the husbands are deployed -- that we cheat and go to bars all the time. That is the farthest thing from the truth. The Army wives I know are very dedicated to their husbands. We won't go anywhere without our cell phones, just in case they are able to call us. I would never go anywhere that I didn't get cell phone reception in case he was able to call. When we go to bed we turn the volumes all the way up on our computers and are signed into our messengers 24/7 just in case our husbands are able to get on there and message us. I only heard from my husband about once every other week, that's if I was lucky. The biggest misconception is that Army wives are cheaters and don't care about our husbands, we just spend all their money! Not all of us are. The second is about how the war affects family life. A lot of people think that when the soldiers come home, they have serious mental issues with what they saw, and they take it out on their family. I'm not going to lie, I've seen it. But it's more rare than people think. When my husband came home, his biggest challenge was the time change! That's it! No nightmares, no abuse or neglect. He was the same as when he left. If anything, the war made it so that he appreciates having my daughter and me around more. I don't want the world to think that my husband has problems from the war, because he doesn't.
We interviewed one mom about her experiences as an Army wife and mother. These were her answers.
~Tell us a bit about yourself:
My name is Jessica, I'm 23. I was born and raised in good old Dallas, OR. I've been happily married for almost 6 years to my husband Brandon, and together we have a little girl named Kendra Lee. I'm very blessed to be a stay at home mom, so I get plenty of time with my terrible princess. My husband and I met when we just juniors in high school, and we've been together ever since. He joined the Army our senior year and has been in for just over 6 years. I'm very proud to be an Army wife and am proud to call my daughter an Army brat. We got married when I was just 17 and he was 18. I had just graduated from high school and he was fresh out of basic training. Our first year of marriage he was sent to Korea, then when he came back we were sent to Ft Hood, Texas. We were there for about a year before being stationed here at Ft Lewis, WA. Since being here we have experienced a lot of amazing, challenging life changes. We found out I was pregnant when I was 20, and had our little girl when I was 21. When she was just a few months old my husband was deployed to Iraq for 10 months. He has been home for about a year and now our daughter is two. Here we are again gearing up for round two. He is deploying again to Iraq in a few months. That's my life so far -- crazy, challenging and ever changing! Even though sometimes it's rough, I feel so fortunate to have an amazing, loving husband and a wonderful, sometimes frustrating, little girl. I get to watch her grow up every day before my eyes.
Jessica's picks for...
Movie night: Lord of the Rings
Healthy portable snacks:
CheeriosChildren's
book: No David
Rainy day activity: coloring with Color Wonder
Date night music: "Good Riddance" by Green Day
~ What's your opinion on children & Barbies:I feel that kids playing with Barbies is perfectly fine. I grew up playing with Barbies and that was my favorite thing to do. I feel that Barbies allow children to use thier imaginations and play with or without friends. I don't think Barbies are setting girls up for body image issues, but I believe other outside influences are, such as magazines that judge celebrity bodies. My daughter already has Barbies that she loves to play with.
_
___________________
More about this M.O.M.
Age: 23
City & state: Ft Lewis, WA
Occupation: Homemaker
Religion: Christian
Hobbies & activities: I'm a volunteer with my husband's company, and I love to scrapbook.
Children's names & ages: Kendra Lee 2 yrs old
What do your children/child enjoy: Going to the park, watching Nick Jr, playing with her friends
Favorite part of the day: When she takes her nap, so that I can take care of the house and have some down time
City or the country: I grew up a small town as a country girl. After being so close to the city I love it, so now I'm more city.
Morning or night: Night
Bright colors or neutral tones: A little of both, depends on what they're on
Family bed or separate rooms: Separate rooms, our daughter won't sleep if she is in the same room with anyone.
Hardest moment in life: During my husband's first deployment to Iraq, our daughter was only 6 months old, and I was alone for a year trying to raise our first child.Future goals both short & long term: Short term is to just try to survive this next deployment. Long term is to move back to Oregon and start a life without the Army.
_________________________
Interview, part 2
~ Tell us about when you found out you were expecting. What were your emotions?
When I found out I was pregnant I was at home with my sister-in-law Shelly. I decided on a whim to take a pregnancy test and it came out positive. Kendra was a complete surprise. I was shocked but I was very happy and excited. I felt that I was ready. I had been married for 2 and a half years and was 20 years old. It felt like the next step.
~ How has being a mother changed you?
Becoming a mom changed me in a lot of ways. I was very immature, not very responsible, and I was pretty selfish. After having a daughter, I became the complete opposite of those things. I put my daughter first regardless of what I wanted and my world revolves around her. And in turn the things about me changed. Becoming a mom automatically makes you take a different approach at life. It's something you can't understand until you're a parent yourself, and it's very hard to explain. Being a mom has made me take on challenges with patience and right and wrong, more than I could have ever imagined. I changed a lot about myself so that I can be a good role model for Kendra. Most of the changes that happened to me were without any effort and were natural changes that I didn't notice, till others pointed them out to me. I like me as a mom more then the crazy immature girl I was before.
~ What does a typical day look like for you?
My days are pretty easy going and simple. I wake up when my husband comes home from PT (morning exercise for the Army) about 8:00 am and get Kendra up. Then we have breakfast and get dressed, those type of morning routines. Kendra will usually watch cartoons for about an hour and we will play together for awhile. My husband will come home for lunch around noon and we will eat together. He leaves at one and Kendra goes to her room for a nap. She will sleep for about an hour or two and that is when I clean up the house. After she wakes up we hang out together, going to the park if the weather allows, or are just inside together. My husband gets off work around five pm and I make dinner. After dinner I'll give her a bath and at 7pm is when she goes to bed. That's my typical day.
~ How do you handle the pressures of day to day life with the absence of your husband when he's in Iraq?
I handle the pressures of life with Brandon gone by prioritizing everything. My daughter comes first and then everything else. I just do my best to suck it up and move forward with life the best I can. I try to remember that he is missing us more than we miss him, 'cause I'm lucky enough to have our daughter with me when all he has is pictures to hold onto. Kendra is a daddy's girl and when he first leaves, she is a wreck! Sometimes it gets so frustrating that I will put her in her room and just walk away to get my thoughts together. As far as bills and things like, that I just do what I need to take care of it. It's hard to explain -- it's like you know what needs to be done and you just do it because there's no other option. I have to say, though, that my best and favorite stress reliever is putting Kendra in daycare and going to get a pedicure. :) ~ How do you guys explain it to your daughter?The first time he left she was too young to comprehend any of it. My biggest worry then was making sure she remembered who he is. So we made her a build-a-bear that he recorded a message on. We called it her "daddy bear" and I played it every night before she went to bed. I constantly was showing pictures of her daddy to her. Luckily she remembered him. He will be going back soon and this time she is two, so I'm not completely sure how we are going to explain it. We can't exactly tell her daddy is going to war, because she can't understand that at all. At her age I'm thankful that she doesn't. For the most part when Brandon is gone for a long period of time we tell her "Daddy is at work." She seems to understand that much. My main goal with this deployment is to tell her all the time that daddy misses her, and wants to be with her, but he has to work. I truly believe that someday she will understand. She will feel the same amount of respect as I do, if not more, for her dad and the sacrifices he's had to make. She may not understand it, but I'll do my absolute best to tell her how much he loves her. It's definitely going to be a challenge, but we will hang in there, and I'm sure that when he gets home they'll have the same bond they have now.
~ Has having a husband who is faced daily with possible danger made you stronger?
I'm not sure stronger is the right word. I know my husband's deployment made me more vocal against people who don't support my husband. Protesting is fine but there are times when people cross the line. An example is a week after my husband left there was a protest outside the Army base. I was leaving to go somewhere and a lady knocked on my window when I was sitting at the stoplight. I rolled it down just a bit to see what she wanted. She proceeded to ask me how it felt to be married to a baby killer. I was completely mortified that someone would think that of my daughter's father and the man I love. But more so that someone would think it's OK to approach me with such animosity for what my husband does. Brandon has had to deal with a lot of stuff from Iraq. I'd rather have him take the life of someone who is trying to keep him from coming back home to our daughter than have him not come home! When he is gone I live in constant fear for him. If I hear anything about someone getting injured, I instantly freak out even if he is nowhere near where my husband is stationed. I won't even watch the news or read the newspaper when he is deployed, because the reality of his situation is too hard to think about. His deployments have definitely made me more independent. Having to rely only on myself to handle everything, raising our daughter, and even the daily things such as having to carry in all groceries by yourself, or changing light bulbs. The little things most wives take for granted are the things that are the hardest to do when he is away. So I'm more independent, more responsible, and more vocal. I don't think I'm any stronger than before the deployments, the strength for most army wives, including me, is a front. We wear a fake smile and pretend that we don't worry, but the truth is that there isn't a minute that passes where we don't say a quiet prayer for our husband's safety.
~ What is it like when your husband is home?
When he is home, it's just like any other family. When he first gets back things are weird, trying to get back into the routine of being a wife again. I go from being alone and handling everything to having the extra support. When he is gone I don't do much wifely stuff such as big dinners and things like that. With just our daughter and me, it feels pointless to do that. It's hard at first to let him help with Kendra 'cause it's all me when he's gone. So at first it's a little bit awkward and weird, but after awhile things go pretty smoothly and we are back to normal life. Our old routine fits more comfortably and we are back to where we were before he left.
~ What is the biggest misconception you think people have about families in the military?
There are two that come to mind. One misconception is about how the wives behave when the husbands are deployed -- that we cheat and go to bars all the time. That is the farthest thing from the truth. The Army wives I know are very dedicated to their husbands. We won't go anywhere without our cell phones, just in case they are able to call us. I would never go anywhere that I didn't get cell phone reception in case he was able to call. When we go to bed we turn the volumes all the way up on our computers and are signed into our messengers 24/7 just in case our husbands are able to get on there and message us. I only heard from my husband about once every other week, that's if I was lucky. The biggest misconception is that Army wives are cheaters and don't care about our husbands, we just spend all their money! Not all of us are. The second is about how the war affects family life. A lot of people think that when the soldiers come home, they have serious mental issues with what they saw, and they take it out on their family. I'm not going to lie, I've seen it. But it's more rare than people think. When my husband came home, his biggest challenge was the time change! That's it! No nightmares, no abuse or neglect. He was the same as when he left. If anything, the war made it so that he appreciates having my daughter and me around more. I don't want the world to think that my husband has problems from the war, because he doesn't.
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
The mother I am
When I became a mother in the summer of 2006, I learned two things.One, everyone would assume I knew what I was doing. After all, children were my business and it was my business to know children. I have a certificate that says so. I almost convinced myself that those people were right, but as I found out, a nanny and a mother are not the same thing. A nanny can leave at the end of the day, a mother cannot. A nanny leaves her concerns for the day at the door, a mothers worries are never done. A nanny worries about what one mother thinks, a mother worries about what every mother thinks. I had some idea of what it was like to be a mother, but those were just guidelines.
The second thing I learned is how hard we as mothers are on each other. Praising another mother one second, then judging her choice the next. Convincing ourselves what we are doing is right, then second guessing ourselves all the way. We are never content and rarely are we completely certain. Sometimes I wonder if this will ever change.
Experience has helped me concure the ups & downs of parenting, while I think my recent move to Dallas has helped me with the latter. In Beaverton, I felt rather like a lone parent, most my friends being at a different stage in their lives. I had to deal with the pressures of motherhood all my own. In Dallas, I am engulfed with parents. My own parents, my husbands parents, grandparents. Mothers my age, many I knew from high school, before motherhood ruled our lives. Mothers at the playground, mothers at church, mothers at MOPS. Forming friendships and connections with so many other mothers has helped me realize I need not be so hard on myself and my decisions I make as a parent.
I've learned that as mothers, we all feel the same basic emotions, and fear the same things. We are all afraid of being judged by the other. In living here, I have learned their are things as a mother I am good at, things I want to be good at and admire in other mothers, and things I can admit I'm not good at and will let go of. I call it my mother list. I recommend every mother have one, just so they remind themselves it's ok to be a goddess in the kitchen, but not enjoy building Lego's with their son. It's ok to be the animated night time storyteller and tucker-inner but just not good at getting the laundry put away in a timely manner. At least it's clean-this week! As mothers, we worry way too much about the tiniest details of our everyday lives (I'm guilty!) that we forget to enjoy the time we have with our children. We forget that other mothers are our biggest supporters, not our enemies.
This year for me (so far) has been about learning what kind of mother I am, and I am glad to have the support of other mothers in my community as I grow,change, learn and adjust. Being a mother is no easy job, but another thing I have learned is I'm never really alone in this adventure called motherhood.
Written by Meg Wright-Christ
My Mother List
As a mother I enjoy:
~ Planning outings, play dates & parties
~ Cuddles & leisurely feedings
~ Re-living my childhood
~ Being my children's best teacher
As a mother I want to work on:
~ Feeling ok with "mess" & "clutter"
~ Keeping a clean car
~ Getting outside as much as I should with the kids
As a mother I'm ok with:
~ Being flexible @ bedtime
~ Not having enough time for myself
~ Getting behind on my chores
As a mother I am good at:
~ Home cooked, well planned meals
~ Spending quality unstructured time with my kids
~ Planning ahead/ being timely
~ Never taking my children or good fortune for granted
~ I am a multitasking QUEEN
The second thing I learned is how hard we as mothers are on each other. Praising another mother one second, then judging her choice the next. Convincing ourselves what we are doing is right, then second guessing ourselves all the way. We are never content and rarely are we completely certain. Sometimes I wonder if this will ever change.
Experience has helped me concure the ups & downs of parenting, while I think my recent move to Dallas has helped me with the latter. In Beaverton, I felt rather like a lone parent, most my friends being at a different stage in their lives. I had to deal with the pressures of motherhood all my own. In Dallas, I am engulfed with parents. My own parents, my husbands parents, grandparents. Mothers my age, many I knew from high school, before motherhood ruled our lives. Mothers at the playground, mothers at church, mothers at MOPS. Forming friendships and connections with so many other mothers has helped me realize I need not be so hard on myself and my decisions I make as a parent.
I've learned that as mothers, we all feel the same basic emotions, and fear the same things. We are all afraid of being judged by the other. In living here, I have learned their are things as a mother I am good at, things I want to be good at and admire in other mothers, and things I can admit I'm not good at and will let go of. I call it my mother list. I recommend every mother have one, just so they remind themselves it's ok to be a goddess in the kitchen, but not enjoy building Lego's with their son. It's ok to be the animated night time storyteller and tucker-inner but just not good at getting the laundry put away in a timely manner. At least it's clean-this week! As mothers, we worry way too much about the tiniest details of our everyday lives (I'm guilty!) that we forget to enjoy the time we have with our children. We forget that other mothers are our biggest supporters, not our enemies.
This year for me (so far) has been about learning what kind of mother I am, and I am glad to have the support of other mothers in my community as I grow,change, learn and adjust. Being a mother is no easy job, but another thing I have learned is I'm never really alone in this adventure called motherhood.
Written by Meg Wright-Christ
My Mother List
As a mother I enjoy:
~ Planning outings, play dates & parties
~ Cuddles & leisurely feedings
~ Re-living my childhood
~ Being my children's best teacher
As a mother I want to work on:
~ Feeling ok with "mess" & "clutter"
~ Keeping a clean car
~ Getting outside as much as I should with the kids
As a mother I'm ok with:
~ Being flexible @ bedtime
~ Not having enough time for myself
~ Getting behind on my chores
As a mother I am good at:
~ Home cooked, well planned meals
~ Spending quality unstructured time with my kids
~ Planning ahead/ being timely
~ Never taking my children or good fortune for granted
~ I am a multitasking QUEEN
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